shooshee

This is just too good not to share. This is an email conversation that’s been going on in the office today. It’s Friday, so of course we’re all a little less than serious. Names have been changed to protect the “innocent”…

subject: OOO - 3:30pm today (and a quick blurb about Oslo)

p1: Norway time is creeping up on me…. Will head out today at 3:30pm.

j1: Ditto for me. As to the trip outside of work, it was fun. We saw the city, got well acquainted with planes, trains and automobiles and learned that any beer under $15 here in the US is a bargain. Oslo is one expensive city. We have some fun Norwegian treats for a happy hour early next week.

m: What with the hop shortage of 2008 and rising fuel costs, there might not be too many beers under $15 here in the US for much longer… Luckily, even if beer fails us, scotch and bourbon are both inelastic goods. Have a great weekend, looking fwd to Norwegian happy hour.

l: I also remember an agave shortage that spawned White wine margaritas throughout NYC one year. Such a sad year.

d: I propose a First World Relief Fund. So our grandchildren won’t have to endure pan-tragic epi-travesties such as these!

m: I would like to subscribe to your newsletter and donate to your charity, but I just took out a 2nd mortgage so I could stock up on IPAs, tequila and can/bottle openers: the family will be well-prepared for the upcoming Peak Beverage crisis!

p2: i’ll contribute once there’s a catchy tune and marketing campaign that costs more than the fund actually brings in ~ we can make a difference!

d: Oh man… We don’t have the theme song ready yet. But we’re working on getting some real generous down-to-earth heavy-hitters like Mariah Carey, Kid Rock, and John Oates to kick off the song. It’s gonna be called “Yo, Can You Top This Off For Me (For The Childrens)”. I’m really excited about it.

And marketing-wise, we just have the logo. I think it sums up our point of view quite nicely.

s: Just to note: if you’re unable to procure those specific celebrities, I think this group of Japanese celebrity impersonators will do in a pinch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36w-CyqCO1A&feature=related

d: Wow. Although I was much more fascinated by the folks impersonating an excited audience! Good stuff.
PS – OOO is the new NWR. Please update your mail filters accordingly.

p2: pfftt… that jerk bono too good for us huh?

d: There’s always someone who just can’t see the big picture.

l: Oh boy. This is going to sting, but Bono and Kid Rock have joined up with my alternative cause. I have organic tshirts under my desk for only $18 dollars, the price of a beer in Oslo.

d: Well who needs you and your more-clever foundation! I’ve still got John Oates on my side!!! And my shirts are free-range hemp!

j2: You’ve left out someone very crucial to your success:

d: who’s that?

and then the side-bar IM discussion…

d: when i was doing a google image search for the $100 for my foundation logo, the first one ended up being a fill-screen goatse. You’re welcome, R.

me: oh dear. I am crying over that one.

d: so was i.

d: then i was trying to make a SFW goatse joke about that oprah pic but couldn’t come up with one. can you believe it?

me: oh lawdy - that might’ve been retinally damaging

d: oh god, no! i was just going to use words!

me: oh thank goodness

d: i was IM’ing s. and told her that i think i went too far by dissing oprah. that’ll turn any room against you.

“when we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.”
- richard carlson

“when you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
- wayne dyer

“before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. that way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away. and you have their shoes.”
- j. k. lambert

“if you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
- mother teresa of calcutta

“we can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. it’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”
- paulo coelho

“judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”
- wayne dyer

“it is much easier to be critical than correct.”
- benjamin disraeli

“do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
- eleanor roosevelt

“you’ve no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself – and how little I deserve it.”
- w. s. gilbert

“it is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.”
- lawrence g. lovasik

“when looking at faults, use a mirror, not a telescope.”
- yazid ibrahim

“if you judge, investigate”
- seneca

“I hear all comments and criticisms around me. I chew on them. I’m nourished by the ones that I decide work for me and spit out the others.”
- kelly borsheim

“a successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.”
- david brinkley

“your heart just breaks, that’s all. but you can’t judge, or point fingers. you just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.”
- audrey hepburn

“whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.”
- ralph waldo emerson